Years ago, when ‘yoof’ TV started to emerge in the early ‘80s, there was one programme in particular that illustrated why adults should never try and be ‘cool’ and why their attempts to make programmes that they think ‘the Kids’ will ‘dig’ will always be doomed to fail.
That programme was Rock School.
Rock School purported to give the budding young Rock God/Goddess the inside track on how to get those awe-inspiring guitar licks, those driving bass-lines and those tub-thumping drum solos. However, the BBC failed spectacularly in its objective to reach out to its intended audience by using presenters more wooden than a floorboard and by adopting a format and tone so inherently dull that even an Open University programme on advanced calculus would have been more rock ‘n’ roll.
Fortunately all was not lost. You could always fall back on those books and magazines with names like ‘Guitar Made Easy’ and ‘You Too Can Play Guitar’. They were usually accompanied by a cassette that contained the voice of the tutor from the aforementioned Open University advanced calculus programme - moonlighting as an axe-god - urging us to “press down hard on the strings” when forming the A chord.
Today, we can now also add Dale Turner and his ‘Interpretations’ CD to our self-taught guitar portfolio.
Those just starting out on guitar should heed my warning: Dale is no novice at this. He’s not poncing about with ‘Froggy Went A Courting’ or ‘Scarborough Fair’. Dale has got bigger fish to fry and more complex songs to arrange for guitar; songs like The Beatles’ ‘Blackbird’, James Taylor’s ‘Sweet Baby James’ and…..hang on a minute, weren’t these songs already arranged for guitar?
No, my mistake. Dale informs us in the sleeve notes that he has “transposed down one half step from G to Gb” on ‘Blackbird’ and has arranged ‘Sweet Baby James’ “at a slower tempo, and with a swing feel”; he’s also performed it “99% pickstyle, as opposed to with fingers.”
See, I told you: not for the beginner.
In addition to these seismic shifts in arrangement Dale has also added his “trademark, goofball bird sounds” on ‘Blackbird’. On his version of Jimi Hendrix’ ‘Castles Made of Sand’ he adds another “personal trademark”: the “mouth guitar solo”.
I think Dale is one of those people who really shouldn’t be left to his own devices for too long.
But it’s hard not to like Dale, though he does his best to make it difficult for us. For starters, he wears a suit jacket (sleeves rolled up? Oh yes.) combined heinously with a white T-shirt and a pair of jeans. He has a pony-tail so enormous it would make a Shire Horse weep. He calls his girlfriend “sweetie pie” for f**k’s sake.
Despite these crimes against taste and decency, I like Dale because deep down I think he knows that he is a bit naff, as are his ‘Interpretations’. His singing style is a cross between Axl Rose and Paul Mansun. His delivery of “Blackbird singing in the dead of ni–EEE-ght” is like Rose singing G'N'R's “You Could Be Mi–EEE-ine.” He devotes a quarter of the sleeve notes to his appreciation of Jeff Buckley but makes a woeful attempt at Buckley’s take of Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’. Why would he even try in the first place?
|
Dale also has stab at ‘God Only Knows’, Billy Joel’s ‘Always a Woman’ and Nilsson’s ‘Coconut’. At this juncture Dale informs us that the ‘crashing’ sound at the end of ‘Coconut’ is in fact the sound of his headphones hitting the floor.
You’ve gotta love this guy.
If that’s not convinced you, then how can you not like Dale when he’s only gone and attempted the impossible by arranging ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ for “acoustic guitar and voice”?
Now let’s just pause a moment and try and imagine the whole of that song with just Dale and his guitar. Try to imagine Brian May’s guitar solo and the multi-layering of the operatic style vocals with – yep - just Dale and his guitar. The sleeve notes are a priceless bonus on this one:
“Features lots of vocal improvisation”.
Dale’s unique interpretation of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ is so bad, it’s good. It deflates all the pomposity of the original and renders it as just a really big dumb song. It’s an instant classic, made all the more palatable by the fact that Dale is obviously proud as punch about his efforts but shows just enough awareness to comment that “his friends’ eyes were watering (from laughter) after hearing this.”
Dale has a lot of people to thank, namely the “friends” who encouraged him to release his CD; friends with surnames like Zlozower, Offin and Urata (isn’t that one of Saturn’s moons?). He also thanks his “mom” for whom he originally recorded these tracks as a Christmas stocking filler three years ago.
I don’t know about you but I can’t wait for Dale’s next CD: his track by track interpretation of The Human League’s album ‘Travelogue’ for acoustic guitar and voice.
Well, I can but dream…..
“Listen to the voice of the Budd- EEE -ha / Listen to the voice of the Budd- EEE -ha”
|
