I’ve learned a new word today. That word is ‘tasseography’.
Anyone?
Tasseography is the reading of coffee grounds and tea leaves. If you like that one, how about ‘lithomancy’: the reading of precious gemstones. Or why not commit to memory ‘kinesiology’: “a holistic system of balancing the body by focusing on the chemical, structural, emotional and mental imbalances”, which may mean it’s a miracle cure for hangovers.
Apparently RAYNE – who is a white witch - has got diplomas in these things along with crystal healing and psychic counselling. I’m not sure if you can get a referral for psychic counselling from your GP but you never know. RAYNE is also a choreographer, a dancer and a director and appeared in Michael Jackson’s video ‘Wanna Be Starting Something’. As impressive as her CV may appear on paper applying the ‘jack of all trades’ approach to her album ‘Between Heaven And Earth’ has stymied her singing debut. RAYNE is trying to be all things to all people, from Shania Twain through Madonna to Gwen Stefani. Her misguided scattergun tactics are further compromised by the intrusive production of Steve Bush who constantly adds unwanted noises and effects as if he’s is competition with RAYNE’s songs as well as her voice. Somewhere inside all the studio trickery lie some decent tunes and evidence of a decent singing talent but she’s been let down badly by Bush: the man who has worked with Natalie Imbruglia and The Sterophonics.
Need I say more?
Given the efforts of her producer to gatecrash RAYNE’s party we’ll concentrate first on some of the positives. ‘Never’ has the potential to be a decent pop single while ‘Spiders Web’ is admirably experimental and ‘Empty Words’ contains the album’s best lyrics and vocal performance. The failings though are not all of the producer’s own making. Unsurprisingly for someone who follows ‘New Age’ philosophies there is a rash of “woolly” ideas masquerading as deep insight accompanied by hackneyed arrangements to evoke a spiritual/earthy atmosphere. Musically the worst culprit is ‘Rain Dance’ which includes red Indian tribal rhythms with some awful sub-metal guitar and a crass “woo woo woo” - i.e. like a red Indian does in old Hollywood westerns – vocal effect.
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Lyrically the album’s nadir is ‘Amber Rain’ where RAYNE sings “Tears are falling / Like Amber Rain”.
Eh? Tears = Amber Rain?
Tears aren’t the colour of amber. Piss is the colour of amber: particularly when you’re suffering with a hangover and as a result of your soporific but painful torpor can only just summon up enough energy to mumble – to the bemusement of your friends and family - something about needing the immediate assistance of a kinesiologist.
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