Band names. Some good ones can suggest in an oblique, hazy way the musical intent of the band in question. For instance - The Velvet Underground, Violent Femmes, The Stooges, Jesus and Mary Chain, Joy Division etc., they are all names that I found teasing and intriguing when I first heard them. You just have to ask - ‘what kind of music does THIS band make?’ – and, for some strange reason in these cases, the moniker and the music just seem to fit together hand in glove.
But, think about it – Rock n’ Roll is 50 years old and originality in this area must be getting more and more difficult every day. How many bands have been around in that time? Hundreds of thousands surely. The English dictionary is only so big after all and you don’t want to start using pretentious and obscure words just for the sake of novelty value now do you? Not until the next New Romantic revival anyway.
To the THE BLACK VELVETS. Now I dunno but if I had a band then naming them after an Allanah Myles one-hit wonder would be strictly a no-no in my book. The only thing I can think of is that it was applied during a momentarily umusing stoner moment. Its more than likely however that this Liverpool 4 piece didn’t think about the connection at all at the time – one hopes so anyway. But both the words ‘black’ and ‘velvet’ should surely be banned from the lexicon of Rock names at this stage in my opinion, on account of their overuse (a similar argument could be put forward perhaps for the word ‘The’). Anyhow, not that all this really matters because a good name does not a good band make – just think of these lame canards – The Beatles, Super Furry Animals, Big Star, The Jam… Fine bands all but fairly mediocre band names I think.
‘But what about The Black Velvets!? Get to the music you sad obsessive little music cretin!!’. OK then. Sad to say it but this band is closer in spirit to the Black Crowes than The Velvet Underpants, sorry -Underground I mean. In their defense they wear their hearts on their sleeve and try to rock out as best as they can but the song titles give a fair indication of the level of interest here – ‘I Won’t Lie Down’, ‘Once In a While’, ‘Not All The Time’, ‘Save Me’… the uninspiring list goes on.
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Now I love honest-to-god ‘heads down lets boogie’ music as much as the next man. Indeed some of my fondest juvenile moments were headbanging and playing tennis racket guitar along to Status Quo’s 12-bar masterwork ‘Hello’ - another band that appeared on Vertigo by the way, way back when. And AC/DC’s monumentally stupid but bitchin’ first two albums are still wheeled out chez moi regularly, prior to a night of hopeful debauchery. So don’t you be thinking that I am some winsome indie kid who don’t dig - (cue ‘this collection is NOT available in the shops’ voice) -THE POWER… OF ROCCCKKKK.
But frankly I just don’t see the point of this music at all. Its just not ornery enough to get me stomping and not fun enough to raise a smile like The Darkness did for about 2 seconds a few years ago. There are some thumping enough riffs dotted around here but a glossy Def Leppard/Bon Jovi veneer undermines the whole affair. Some of the songs have pretty good primal beats, as on ‘Get On Your Life’, ‘3345’ and best of all ‘Glamstar’ but the adolescent nature of the material palls rather quickly. I can’t help thinking that in this instance less would be more and I have a feeling that in a live setting the band may well be righteous rockers. Who knows. I for one tho’ would simplify matters on record – more Troggs, less poodle please.
Anyway to sum up - for those of you into your Rock n’ Roll hard, fast and (very) straight then this might be the thing for you. Unfortunately for others I feel that there isn’t a whole lot going on here that you haven’t heard a million times already and while the Black Velvets don’t actively annoy they wont be getting into Rn’R heaven either. Not with a name like that anyhow.
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